January 4, 2024

Deciding When to Have Kids – and How Many?

If you give your girlfriend a ring, she’s going to ask for a wedding. When you give her a wedding, she’s probably going to ask for a home. When you move into the home, you’ll both see an empty room. Seeing the empty room will remind you about having a baby…

[Record scratch]

Wait a minute – you’ve heard this before. That’s because when you and your spouse knew you wanted to spend your lives together, it was probably a foregone conclusion that you’d welcome kids along the way. The only question became when and how many?

Of course, no one can answer those questions but you and your spouse, but here are some factors to consider when deciding to have kids.

Space

If your digs are tight, you need to think about how an addition will make things even tighter. Remember, it’s not just the extra person (however tiny they may be – initially), but all the trappings of babyhood: bassinets, cribs, playpens, changing tables, swings, dressers, etc. You also must be prepared for anything, like – surprise – the possibility of more than one baby.

Finances

You can’t put a price tag on a human life, but you certainly can on diapers, wipes, formula, clothes and baby furniture. No, it’s not cheap having a baby, but neither is anything else in life, so it’s all about priorities. Be sure to consider what your budget can handle, because you don’t need extra strife when undertaking something new.

Jobs

You also need to consider your work situation. Some employers aren’t so family-friendly and may not make it easy for both mom and dad to transition into this new lifestyle. Be ready for anything career-wise, even if that means that one of you suddenly decides to quit work and stay home with the baby. It could also mean transitioning into a remote gig for one of you. If none of that is an option, figure out how much childcare will cost for you to keep your current job.

Ages

Having a baby at age 25 is a lot different than having one at 45 no matter whether you’re male or female. The challenges are different for each gender, but proper consideration remains important for each. You’ll also need to discuss how many kids you hope to have, and by when. Planning for future additions is a lot like planning your financial future – it takes a lot of thoughtful joint discussion.

Lifestyles

This category offers a lot of intangibles that could sway you in either direction. Are you so active in a hobby or passion that it could prevent you from raising a child as it deserves? Do you have a solid support network nearby? Are you planning a major career change or dramatic move across the country? Consider all those factors that influence how you function in life.

Viewpoints

If one of you is ready and the other isn’t, that’s going to take some heartfelt and meaningful conversation. It’s not like you’ll be able to resolve your difference of opinion overnight. But remember, you got into this relationship for a reason, you’re committed, and you can work this out. Something this important deserves a lot of loving empathy, as well as give-and-take.

Of course, there’s another factor not examined here – and that’s your heart. You know you love each other, and you want that love to grow even more. So, you could stop thinking about it, over-analyzing it and just get on with it.

Then one day when you have a baby, you’ll lay her down for a nap. While she’s sleeping, you’ll look around your home and realize there’s an empty room. And chances are if you have an empty room…

October 2, 2023

Daddy-Daughter Relationships Are Important

The saying goes something like this: “there’s nothing quite as special as a love between a father and his daughter,” or “…between a mother and her son.” Or vice versa.

Any proud parent of each gender can attest that those sayings are only partially true. While you probably possess a deep love for your children, you probably don’t have any extra special bond with, say, your daughter that makes it superior to that of the relationship with your son. Hopefully, you love them all equally, and there is no unspoken or unexplainable sparkle that makes the daddy-daughter dynamic superior to another.

But if you’re a dad, you can say this: you and your daughter share a distinction that you and a son can never replicate. It doesn’t make your relationship more special. It only makes it different.

And that obvious distinction is that you’re not female, and your daughter is not male. Men offer certain characteristics by way of their gender, and you can never experience the other – except through each other. That makes a daddy-daughter relationship unique, to be sure.

As a dad, you likely appreciate the feminine traits that a girl brings to your family. You notice that femininity in your wife, your mother and in any sisters with whom you grew up. But to witness your daughter moving from different stages of play, styles in clothes and probably someday to new relationships that may shape their lives – it’s all new to you.

Men’s and women’s basketball essentially look the same, but any coach from kids to the pros will tell you that they coach male and female players a little differently. Their players’ attitudes are different. The locker room has a different vibe. Even the game is different. So it goes with the daddy-daughter relationship.

The bond is also unique is because a dad is the first male his girl will meet, and hopefully admire.

When we meet anyone of the opposite sex, we encounter humanity. We see life through a different lens.

A boy can certainly look up to and emulate his dad, but he’s also male and probably shares some of the same masculine characteristics that will be fully developed someday.

A daddy-daughter relationship is almost like a dress rehearsal for life. She’s getting to relate to the opposite sex from the get-go. That’s valuable experience and makes any dad’s job an important one.

If you’re lucky and blessed to have a daughter, you get to witness the feminine side of child rearing, and she gets to witness you as a male father figure. It’s so obvious, but a wonder to behold when you reflect upon it.

So while you can’t say a daddy-daughter relationship is any more special, you can say it’s unique. Here’s to all the dads and daughters that make the world go ‘round.

July 17, 2023

Pondering the ‘World’s Greatest Dad’

The saying, “World’s Greatest Dad” is a most curious one. For those fortunate to know that saying to be true – can everyone be right?

On one hand, it’s not literally possible. A more accurate classification might be, “One of the World’s Greatest Dads.” We haven’t met every dad on earth in order to accurately make this claim. And we also know that “greatness” is in the eye of the beholder. There is no quantifiable measuring stick for the significance of a person.

On the other hand, there can be no debating such a declaration. If you know this to be true, you know you were graced with the Greatest Dad, hands down. He never stops validating it, and there are conclusive examples of his love nonstop from birth to present day.

The funny thing is, whenever you make this claim, no arguments ensue. If one were to make other proclamations, such as the greatest pizza, NHL forward, or president – disagreements would arise. Yet you could hear someone else tell you his dad is the greatest, and you’d merely nod and smile while acknowledging he’s right, and knowing that you are, too.

And if there’s so many great dads, why do we need national institutions and its billboards insisting that there’s a fatherhood crisis? That we need to “Take time to be a dad today”? We don’t see these exhortations for moms. So why perpetuate an unfair stigma about dads? Both parents need support. The truth is that the responsible, active dads far out-number the negligent ones.

The entertainment and media industry are often responsible for this misrepresentation of fatherhood. Even today, a dad who takes care of the children alone or handles household chores is referred to as Mr. Mom. Yet he’s not a mom, nor a replacement for mom; he’s an equal, competent parent who’s simply a dad.

A few years ago, there was a news story titled, “Dads are wired to ‘mother’ too.” The awkward and inappropriate headline left dads both laughing and furious: no, dads are not wired to ‘mother’; they’re wired to ‘father.’

Being a dad is difficult work. Societal expectations still suggest dads need to provide monetarily, though today’s dads want to be present and not miss a thing. Pulling them off equally – trying to be the provider and caretaker – makes today’s dads all the greater.

So, no, there’s no fatherhood crisis. Fatherhood is alive and well, and there are a lot of great dads out there.

Chances are, you’re the Greatest One around.

November 16, 2020

Why Do Breakfast Foods Ignore Dads?

Cereal makers can’t seem to wrap their heads around the notion that dads provide breakfast for their kids.

For years we’ve been pointing out the problems of Cheerios, Kix, Quaker and others who continue to disregard dads as part of their customer base.

The latest offender is General Mills, who not only excludes dads from its latest campaign, but uses a possessive pronoun that contributes to the problem.

If you have children, do you refer to them as “my kids” or “our kids” when speaking with others?

The former connotes a more possessive or singular approach, whereas the latter sends a meaning of togetherness and unity. While “my” may seem harmless and unintentional, it conveys a certain message – whether you believe it or not – to others, but also to your partner.

It’s not uncommon to find stories, comments, or blog posts from women who complain that they’re stuck with the majority of the household and parental duties (that’s no fault of the dad – he’s typically working outside the home, but we’ll save this topic for another day). However, wouldn’t the action of calling the baby “ours” drive home a greater spirit of togetherness when tackling daily familial duties? These women might not feel so alone in their work by calling the children ours.

Companies like General Mills furthers this perception, too. It inconspicuously calls the children “your squad.” That makes dad out to be the lesser parent at best, completely irrelevant at worst. General Mills would do families and society a much better service by speaking in terms of “us.”

Using the word “parent” instead of “mom” won’t make or break the marketing business model, and it won’t make a female look away in disgust. Rather, it will make a dad feel like an included member of the family and feel like a valued customer.

It’s time for change. Words matter.™

August 6, 2020

Driven By Discrimination

It must be a strange situation if you’re a dad and you choose this driving school in the Houston area.

From the outset, it’s labeling you a secondary parent and already making you feel less important.

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But it gets even more bizarre if you’re looking for adult courses. Imagine being a grown man and attending a driving school that your mom — er, wife? — has approved.

It’s disappointing to see professional drivers’ education offering an inclusive program with such an exclusionary name. After all, its website states that teens must complete a “mandatory 30 hours of parent-supervised in-car driving.”

If a dad is good enough to offer that parent supervision while driving, isn’t he good enough to be mentioned by name?

In a world that won’t stand for inequality and unfairness, shouldn’t this company be driven by principles that don’t ignore parents on the basis of gender?

It’s time for change.

April 7, 2020

Equivalent holidays deserve equal treats

It’s great to see a heart-warming promotion and holiday-specific foods like the ones snack maker Little Debbie recently unveiled.

Moms deserve it.

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But you can’t help but wonder – will dads get their due come June?

There hasn’t been a snack cake devoted to dads in the history of fatherhood. A quick Internet search for “dad cakes” results in a lot of beer-themed versions, neckties and tools.

There’s a lot more to fatherhood than that.

Little Debbie has a golden opportunity to set the trend for a promotion with incredible potential by doing it right. What dad would turn down a box of sweet treats he could share with his kids? There’s no better way to celebrate fatherhood than with a gift designed to honor dad and the kids who made him one.

As Little Debbie says, it’s time to pamper dad and offer him a prize that will ease the load of his to-do list.

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A dad is a nurturer, protector, provider, teacher, friend, spiritual guide, role model, mentor, disciplinarian, advisor and cheerleader. Let’s see if they can incorporate all that into a treat and promotion that would garner attention nationally.

Dad deserves better than beer cakes and neckties.

So does his sweet tooth.

October 24, 2019

Check out these amazing dad-created Halloween costumes

Don’t look now, but Halloween is just around the corner.

And while plenty of parents are online and in stores buying costumes for their kids, there’s also a multitude who don’t.

That’s because they make costumes.

It’s hard to argue with the notion that dads do it best. Those creative, over-the-top costumes that mix imagination, ingenuity and pop culture — chances are a dad did it.

Don’t believe us? Check out these spectacular dad Halloween costumes that are sure to get you in the spirit.

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September 10, 2019

Hey Vudu, just cancel the sexist reboot no one asked for

There’s been a lot of talk about the “Mr. Mom” reboot on Walmart-owned streaming service Vudu.

Most of it has been centered upon this being Vudu’s first original series.

There’s also a bit of buzz about its need – as in, no one really asked for it.

Julian Franco, Vudu senior director, insists the remake centers upon nostalgia.

“As parents, we want to share with kids the TV shows and movies that we grew up with,” he said to Variety.

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There’s just a few problems with that kind of nostalgia. Namely, it’s sexist – pure and simple.

Look back at the 1983 version and you’ll find a rather simple, primary plot: the dad was a stay-at-home parent. That was it.

It offered laughs for a generation of parents who cheered at the ultimate family role reversal. Switching mom’s and dad’s jobs made for instant comic fodder, especially after decades of expected social norms.

But even by 1983 standards, those roles had already been transforming for years. It’s not like mom wasn’t already working outside the home. She was, and stay-at-home dads were already a thing, though admittedly less common.

And yet as successful as “Mr. Mom” was for its time, it bears mentioning that there was never a sequel, the go-to bread-and-butter for any Hollywood studio executive.

Fast forward 36 years later and you find a world where parenting roles are blurred, and a marketing/media industry that clearly hasn’t caught up with the times.

Then there’s that title.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a term more offensive to dads. After all, they’re not moms – they’re dads – and there’s nothing emasculating about working inside the home and taking care of children.

It’s called parenting.

For years, dads have been unfairly mislabeled Mr. Mom – a name that’s not only insulting, but erroneous. Would anyone dare call a working mother, Mrs. Dad? Moms don’t exactly find that term endearing, either; it’s not their job to cook, clean and tend to the kids.

And yet studio executives pass off this as nostalgia, or comedy – or whatever.

It’s no joke watching a dad care for his children. Imagine a show that laughs at moms trying to make it in the corporate world. Or work on cars. Or play sports.

It wouldn’t happen because they can do those things. The parenting community has matured and evolved. Hollywood, to a certain extent, has too.

Damsel-in-distress movies have gone by the wayside because they’re old-fashioned and passé. Today’s audiences want to see “Wonder Woman,” “Captain Marvel,” or Rey take down the First Order in “Star Wars.”

Its films like these – with plenty more on the way – which shape public perception of females. Here we begin to see assertive, independent, active leaders. Those successful female characters don’t politicize, sexualize or diminish their gender, they just lead. We begin to accept this new fantasy as reality, and of course, we have to learn how to deal with reality.

No male should have to show his feminine side. He doesn’t have one – he’s a man. And it’s no fun being ridiculed as a parent, which is completely different from encountering laughing matters while parenting. That happens to everyone.

There is, however, a completely masculine way to parent whether you’re cleaning the home or working outside it.

If you’re a dad in today’s world, sometimes you have to do both.

Someone ought to let Vudu know that.

August 29, 2019

How marketing to dad affects the workplace

If dad is prominently featured in the marketing of products and services all around us, it then becomes the normalized state. Genders will be viewed without favoritism, but rather with impartiality, while still welcoming and honoring the valuable differences among us. No longer will it be mom versus dad. Judgment will vanish from our speech. The approach toward work and play will change, and society is destined to benefit.

There are many reasons why including dads in marketing makes sense financially and morally, but the case to do so goes far beyond inclusion, equality, and profit. Though all very noble objectives, it has abundant meaning for humanity as it can streamline the way society is developed. Consider the range of ways that marketing to dad can have a far reaching positive impact it can have, but one overlooked area is in the workplace.

Companies who place a value on dads in the workforce are directly upholding the human value of its employees. With labor-cost as one of the top expenses in any company, one can’t help but wonder if too much focus is placed on output to the exclusion of the person doing the work.

In other words, those are people sitting at those desks and work stations – are businesses putting them first, above the work itself? Are they valued as the greatest resource in the company? Are there enough policies in place that value them as parents?

There should be provisions for a family-first culture through parental leave, flex time, compressed work weeks, remote work, job sharing, and more. These indirect, non-monetary benefits help to motivate and retain current employees, as well as attract new talent. These policies can easily result in more productive employees who are inspired to share even more of themselves and their abilities at work. Never forget that when employees resign, they typically don’t quit the work, they quit the employer.

The impacts don’t end there. Employees who have a positive work experience will share it through their personal social media outlets. They will spread the goodwill of a company culture that caters to dads who place family first. Every single employee – regardless of title or department – can serve as a brand ambassador. And other companies like to do business with like-minded companies of the same beliefs.

If your company doesn’t place importance on dad, that word will get around, too. You may feel or think the negative banter doesn’t go much farther than the proverbial locker room, but destructive words spread faster with the growth of social media.

May 31, 2019

One word makes all the difference

Consider the advertisement and slogan examples all around you.

Oftentimes, if marketers could merely change one word, the message they convey becomes much more inclusive.

Arm & Hammer: “If you want to know which detergent to trust, ask your mother. And her mother. And her mother.”
Applegate natural and organic meats: “Mom’s dream team for lunch”
Aveeno Baby: “Trusted sun protection for baby and mom…maybe that’s why so many moms choose Aveeno…”
Babybel: “Attention moms! I’m obviously a great addition to your kid’s lunchbox…”
Baby Depot at Burlington: “At Burlington, we carry the most Mom-trusted brands…”
Banquet frozen foods: “Perfect for busy moms with even busier families.”
Beech-Nut: “Moms don’t add anything artificial into their babies’ food. So neither do we.”
Betty Crocker: “Your little one will feel like a Superhero – and you will look like Wondermom! – when you reveal a Superhero Cake for his birthday dessert.”
Capri Sun: “At Capri Sun, we’ve been listening to and learning from our moms since the very beginning.”
Chuck E. Cheese: “Join us for Chuck E. Cheese’s new Mommy & Me class.”
Chuck E. Cheese: “Thank you, mom.” (TV commercial)
Coppertone: “…it’s easy for moms to love it too.”
Dannon: “As a mom, you want your kids to grow up healthy and strong.”
Desitin: “Trusted by more pediatricians and moms than any other brand…”
Dr. Smith’s: “The brand moms and pediatricians trust to gently help treat irritated baby bottoms, fast.”
Earth’s Best Diapers: “For Moms who care and the little ones they love…”
Fisher-Price: “Thanks Mom, for choosing us your most loved & trusted brand.”
Garanimals: “Moms know the right outfit makes everybody comfortable…Moms love them because they’re practical.”
Gerber: “…we’ve collected product reviews from Moms like you…”
Gerber Life Insurance Company: “See what Moms are saying about the Grow-Up Plan.”
Huggies: “Got questions? We’ve got answers! Huggies Mommy Answers has essential baby info…”
Hyland’s Baby: “…and have been trusted by moms for over 80 years.”
IntelliGender: “…a fun pre-birth experience for expectant moms everywhere!”
Jif: “In 1958, original Jif Creamy Peanut Butter was introduced, and quickly became a favorite. Moms recognized Jif peanut butter’s superior fresh-roasted peanut taste…”
Johnson’s: “Moms around the world trust Johnson’s to safely care for their babies. We are committed to working with moms…”
Juicy Juice: “Hey moms, check out these great Juicy Juice crafts and recipes!”
Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats: “Mom, more please!”
Kid Cuisine: “We believe that kids should get to be kids, and moms should get to serve food…”
Kix: “Generations later, kids still love it and moms still approve.”Luvs: “The official diaper of experienced moms.”
Lysol: “Congratulations, you’re a mom!…Being a new mom is an exciting…”
MyGerber: “Moms and babies, let’s get growing.”
Nestle Pure Life: “Meet our moms: nestlepurelifepromise.com”
Noodle & Boo: “Our mama profile…only the best will do for her baby.”
Nutrients for Life: “Thank mom for the cookies & N.P.K for the ingredients.”
Oscar Mayer: “These are real moms getting their kids ready for kindergarten.”
P&G: “Thank You Mom for supporting all of our interests.”
Pampers: Website menu tab includes “Mommy Corner,” with no dads’ counterpart.
Parents magazine: “Must-haves and must-dos for mom and family.”
Similac: “More Moms choose the Similac Brand.”
Texas Toast: “Thick, crunchy toast. Brushed with buttery, garlic goodness. Bravo, Mom. Take a bow.”
Tum-E Yummies: “Moms see goodness. Kids see fun!”
Tummy Calm: “Mommy, my tummy hurts…”
Walmart: “Baby basics for every mom…Top-rated by moms like you.”
Walmart: “Mom’s menu rescue”
Zone Perfect: “Mom, look what I can do!…A mom can dream, right?”

trust

The replacement of words mom or mother with the word parent is a simple solution that projects the message that fathers and mothers deserve equality within the realm of the family.

This means that both women and men have the potential to be nurturing, compassionate, and emotionally available to their children. This also means that both men and women have the capacity to be providers, protectors, educators, and disciplinarians to their children.

The beauty of this truth is that both men and women can fulfill each of these roles and more—even if it means they take differing paths to arrive at that goal.

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Exploring the world of marketing to dads

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