There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and Capri Sun after kids’ sports games.

I mean, seriously, have you ever been to a soccer field and noticed what kids drink? How about a baseball diamond? The pool?

Capri Sun’s silver juice pouch is a staple in every kid’s gym bag. If the company was smart, it would skip the middleman and just sell it directly at the games, because that’s where all of it ends up once it’s bought in stores anyway.

But the company isn’t smart.

I knew this the moment I saw their ad in Scholastic Parent & Child magazine. Yes, you read correctly, its title is Parent & Child magazine, not Mom & Child magazine. That was a relief in itself; but I’m not letting Parent & Child completely off the hook, because they should screen their advertisers to ensure consistency with their magazine’s mission and target audience – and name.

Capri Sun’s ad contains the line “Good for moms. Awesome for kids.”

Perhaps if Capri Sun were selling their goods at the games they’d realize that often it’s the dad who lugs them by the case – sometimes in coolers on ice – to thirsty kids. Capri Sun might figure out that it’s many times dads who are coaching these thousands of parched kids.

But Capri Sun won’t. Their marketing gurus are sitting somewhere confused, thinking that “soccer mom” is a literal term, and believe every dad is currently on the golf course with his college buddies. That’s the only way I can figure that they’d have the nerve, or ignorance as it may be, to run this ad in Parent & Child magazine.

Giving Capri Sun some time to visit sports fields and get to know their consumers is a reasonable goal.

After all, if kids can score goals, the adults of Capri Sun can certainly set some.